Funny Quotes
Here is a collection of funny quotes.
Funny Quotes about Men and Women
- Men are like port-a-johns. All the good ones are taken and all the bad ones are full of crap! [Unknown]
- In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. [Woody Allen]
- My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.” [Anonymous]
- You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. [Henry Youngman]
- Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. [Joey Adams]
- Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. [Maryon Pearson]
- Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. [Oscar Wilde]
- Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure. [Jarger]
- Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV. [Jerry Seinfeld]
- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.[Anonymous]
- If we weren’t supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made of meat? [Unknown]
Funny Dilbert Quotes
I know all you corporate working people will enjoy these few Dilbert Quotes:
- As you gain experience, you’ll realize that all logical questions are considered insubordination. – Dilbert advises Asok the Intern
- There are two essential rules to management. One, the customer is always right; and two, they must be punished for their arrogance. – Dilbert
- Frankly I’m insulted that you asked me out. It means you think we’re about the same level of attractiveness. – Dilbert’s date
- It looks like I’ll be exaggerating my accomplishments again this year. – Dilbert
- Why aren’t you signed up for the 401K? I’d never be able to run that far. – Dilbert
- When you grow up you’ll be put in a container called a cubicle. The bleak oppressiveness will warp your spine and destroy your capacity to feel joy. Luckily you’ll have a boss like me to motivate you with something called fear. – Dilbert