Funny Jokes
A collection of funny jokes.
Funny State Commemorative Quarters
- You ever see those special quarters that feature some interesting fact about one of the states in America? Some of them are rather funny. For example,
- Maine - Most of our lobsters kill themselves out of boredom.
- Nevada - What happens in Vegas will emerge as a rash on your crotch once a month.
- Nebraska – Celebrating nothing to do for over 100 years!
- New Jersey – #1 in chemical refineries!
- Washington – Shh! Bush thinks he lives here.
- Oregon - Come for the pot, stay for the.. whatever.
- Kentucky- Jeopardy winner free since 1865.
- Alabama - Come hear the sounds Earl can make with his armpit.
- Alaska - If Al Gore is right, we’ll be the only state with comfortable weather.
- Iowa - We’re too fat to fit on one quarter.
- Kansas – As seen in the boring parts of the Wizard of Oz.
- Florida – Where even the babies are old.
- Vermont – Pete Sampras once thought about visiting here.
- Ohio – Now a fully own subsidiary of Walmart!
- West Virginia – Not just coal mining, but also.. ok, just coal mining.
- Rhode Island - Where David Spade comes to feel big.
- (Credits: Conan O’Brien and others.)
Conan O’ Brien Commencement Speech to Harvard
- Did you know Conan O’Brien graduated from Harvard? He also wrote a few episodes of the Simpsons. Conan gave the commencement speech for the Harvard Class of 2000. Here’s an excerpt from his hilarious speech:
“Harvard graduates.. so what can you expect out there in the real world? Let me tell you. As you leave these gates and re-enter society, one thing is certain: Everyone out there is going to hate you. Never tell anyone in a roadside diner that you went to Harvard. In most situations the correct response to where did you to school is, “School? Why, I never had much in the way of book larnin’ and such.” Then, get in your BMW and get the hell out of there. You see, you’re in for a lifetime of “And you went to Harvard?” Accidentally give the wrong amount of change in a transaction and it’s, “And you went to Harvard?” Ask the guy at the hardware store how these jumper cables work and hear, “And you went to Harvard?” Forget just once that your underwear goes inside your pants and it’s “And you went to Harvard.” Get your head stuck in your niece’s dollhouse because you wanted to see what it was like to be a giant and it’s “Uncle Conan, you went to Harvard!?” (Read more at Conan’s Commencement Speech to Harvard).
Late Night War in Iraq Jokes
The good news is last night President Bush finally admitted he’s made mistakes in Iraq. The bad news is he’s planning to make the same mistakes again. – Jay Leno
After hearing the president’s speech, Democrats in the Senate are seeking bipartisan support for a non-binding resolution opposing President Bush’s deployment of his military escalation. In response, President Bush said, “Huh?” – Conan O’Brien
“In a prime time speech last night, President Bush said that he was sending in 20,000 more troops to end the war. He wasn’t talking about Iraq. He was talking about the war between Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump. -Conan O’Brien
More coming soon.