Humor for the Category: 'Actual Items'
Funny essays by kids
These are actual stories written in essays by kids in their history classes:
- Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
- The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
- Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
- Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
- They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
- In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
- Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
- Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”
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Actual essays written by kids
Funny things written in essays by kids:
- Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
- During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
- Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim’s Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
- One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
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Funny Stories: Lost in Translation
Here are several funny stories about bad translations and how they led to massive embarassment:
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux were embarassed to find lackluster sales when they used the following slogan in an advertising campaign in America: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.”
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water. Zesty!
Coke in China? The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means “bite the wax tadpole” or “female horse stuffed with wax” depending on the dialect. The Coca-Cola corporation then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, “ko-kou-ko-le,” which can be loosely translated as “happiness in the mouth.” Much better.
That’s One Amazing Soft Drink. In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan “Come alive with the Pepsi Generation” came out as “Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead.” Whoops.