Archive for March, 2007
Funny Surveys and Studies
Here are some funny stories related to surveys and humorous research studies:
“A new study by the American Medical Association shows that having sex does not trigger a heart attack — it’s getting caught having sex that triggers the heart attack.”
“A new study shows that three quarters of all Americans are overweight. In fact it’s so bad, three quarters of all Americans are now 9/10ths of all Americans.”
“New statistics show that last year the number of murders in the U.S. fell by 8 percent. Unfortunately, that may not be accurate since the number of pollsters murdered went up by 25 percent.”
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Funny Stories About Politicians
Here are some funny stories about politicians:”In last night’s Republican debate, Lamar Alexander accused Bob Dole of lacking vision. Dole said, ‘When I find out who said that he’s in big trouble.’”
“93-year-old Senator Strom Thurmond said that he’s still mentally sharp and he’s running for re-election. Isn’t that nice. He also said that President Lincoln is doing a terrific job.”
“According to Nature magazine, scientists have discovered a powerful appetite suppressor. It’s actually a naked picture of Newt Gingrich.”
“In a recent interview, 93-year-old Senator Strom Thurmond says he does 50 minutes of exercise every morning. Actually, it’s what other people call getting out of bed.”
“Over the weekend, Dan Quayle said that when he’s a little older he may run for President. He said, `Either that, or become a cowboy.’”
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Funny Quotes About Sports
“Mike Tyson has cancelled his Saturday night fight with Buster Mathis Jr. Right now, Fox is scrambling to find 30 seconds of replacement programming.”
“Today, Disney announced that they’re buying the California Angels. They also plan to change the team name. The new name will be the `Disney Owns Everything Angels.’”
“Erik Menendez is claiming his original lawyer Robert Shapiro gave him bad advice. Apparently, Shapiro forgot to tell him to win the Heisman trophy.”
“A player from the New York Knicks was arrested last night after punching a police officer. The Knicks aren’t worried though, because the cop missed both free throws.”
“Here’s a strange story. In Denmark a kitten has been born with fluorescent hair. Apparently, Dennis Rodman really does get around.”
“The big rumor right now is that NBC is going to cancel the XFL as soon as the season is over. You laugh and stuff but this news comes as a blow to XFL fans, both of whom are very upset.”